Been thinking a lot on my witness.
As a wife and mother, my first witness comes to the one who watches me the closest--- I must "discipline myself for the purpose of godliness" (1 Tim 4:7) because as I do, I am able to spark the change I want to see in the world. Want your husband to lead you into holiness more? Spend more time in prayer and in the Word yourself. Want your husband to be more open to the Holy Spirit? Be opened yourself. Want him to respect you and treat you with more kindness and compassion? Respect HIM and treat him as the most precious thing you have. It sounds so simple, but that's the "dying to self" that we find so difficult--- it's so much easier to think we are on track to being holy vessels and wonder what everyone else's problem is.
Just as it's easier to want to pray alone, in the silence of our retreated minds, when we can pray at a liesurely pace and really take the time to recieve from God. And yet, we are called to pour ourselves out, to be, as Oswald Chambers once said, "Broken bread and poured-out wine," and so we must learn to love prayer in the busiest moments of our day, when we don't think we CAN hear from God, demonstrating by faith that we know He is both listening and working, always.
Towards my children, my witness is a constant thing. I am amazed every day when I see what they see through those little eyes-- how they catch everything. Aside from "training them up in the way that they should go," (Prov 22:6) so that when they are old, they will not depart from it, I must also give them a reason to believe that joy I say I have in the Lord. When trials come, they must see me, time and again, walking in the peace which surpasses all understanding (Phillippians 4:7) and not falling into unrest. It's so easy to get frustrated when you have two kids two and under who both have the same mood shifts... all it takes is a late nap here and a too-long phone call on my part and I am faced with attention needs that must be met that quite literally can make my head spin. I've learned that controlled chaos in a house full of family can be a beautiful thing.
The other night, we had the opportunity to visit a dear friend's house for dinner. We were surprised to find that she and her husband live in one of the exact houses that my husband had plumbed when it was being built. Back when he was a plumber here a few years ago he would come home at the end of the day, gather us all up, and drive us back to his work site where he would show us what he had done that day. Often times we would sit in the skeleton of the house, watching the slowly setting sun through the beams and supports, and dream about where we would put rooms and what we do with the space if the house was being built for us. So when we walked into our friend's life, we saw a living picture of what we had imagined in that very same home: a beauitiful, well-worn family bible, a bowlful of rosaries near the fireplace, a home that would make martha stewart proud but that contained a lot of love and affection. I admit, in my mind's eye it made my own little home seem like a closet full of things no one wanted anymore.
A few days later, that same friend appeared on my doorstep and spent the afternoon with me and the children. I was making a leek soup in the kitchen while she sat at the dining room table with my daughter when she expressed how much she loved being at my house. She let me glimpse that to her, she experienced the love of family and the blessed chaos of activity and motherhood that she longed to have for herself.... and I was left hiding my tears behind the kitchen wall, amazed that our witness to each other was such a blessing and learning that I really DID have cause to be thankful for what I have.
When I was in the working world, my witness was always important. As a Christian worker, you are faced with the worst of the world. Back when I was studying with Jehova's Witnesses, they gave me a great testimony to share with others that helped me to stay "out" of the world... Reasons to steer clear of being "everyone else" you work with.
Back then, the focus was on honesty, integrity, and hard work, which should be the staple of any employee experience where Jesus Christ is Lord. You do your job, go above and beyond, and you bless and serve, regardless of the cost to you personally. JUST LIKE IN YOUR FAMILIES.
Our call is to be "in " and not "of."
I didn't want to be the person who sat out on the company joke because it was slightly innapropriate or who steered clear of the company parties because they were too wordly for me. No way.... instead I gave my jobs the best that Christianity had to offer: a real work ethic. I found that if I truly dove into my work and made it a prayer I didn't have to worry about what dirty joke they were passing on the radios or on the company email, because I didn't have time to pay attention to those thing, I was too busy giving my bosses the best that I could. It took a long time for me to mature into that person, because in the beginning, it was easy to be the one who "couldn't participate," found everything offensive, and basically just sat back and sneered. No one wanted to become that kind of person, and that ethic worked against me. Once I began to really be "broken bread and poured out wine" in the workplace, that's when my witness was greatly improved and I found success at every turn: career success, yes, but especially evangelical success--- because to the world, social retardation is not desirable. But a bright, quick, positive, hard working, friendly person? One who is full of compassion and gentleness? One who speaks the truth in love?? Priceless.
Our witness is crucial. Ninety-nine percent of the people in religious forums across the world will tell you why they don't like evangelical Christians, flat out. I've heard the same answer over and over and over and over and over: "Christians are hypocrites."
Our witness solves that problem for people. Our witness is our best weapon against the darkness in the world. Our witness is there not to make us undesirable. It is there to make us the sweet fragrance of Christ to those who are saved and the scent of death to those who are perishing(11 Cor 2:15) in the hopes of not going to heaven alone.
No husband wants a wife who is cold, serious, and holier-than-him. No child wants a mother who is harsh, rigid, and unbending. No person wants a co-worker or employee who is distant, condesdending, and unfriendly. Our witness is everything..... if we REALLY BELIEVE the scriptures, then let us all pray to the Holy Spirit for guidance to help us BE the change we want to see in the world, and to start not with others, but with ourselves!
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Monday, October 20, 2008
Paranormal Muslims and a Reason to Pray
An interesting snippet of news I recently found for those who doubt my theory that the UN is a seat of great evil and a central demonic "doorway."
Click here
While addressing the UN in New York last September, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, the president of Iran, apparently found himself bathed in a mysterious, visible, aura-like green light for most of the 30 minute speech. It began when he opened his speech "In the Name of Allah," and continued for the duration of the speech. UN listeners, likewise, seemed in a strange trance as not one of them moved or even BLINKED during the duration of the speech. Hmmmm.
Believe me now? If you do.... please pray, pray, pray!
Things never stop getting wierder over here.
Wayne left this morning and I was sad to see him go. It seems just as we sort out how to peacefully coexist again he's off for another week. It's very hard to miss someone so much and not be able to do anything about it.
I went to Carmelites again yesterday. It was absolutely phenomenal. One of the big themes for yesterday was the fruit of intercessory prayer. We heard testimony after testimony of answered prayer that really built our faith, and I'd like to invite blog readers to leave a comment for others with the most encouraging fruit of their OWN prayer life.
I haven't been answering email or blogging because I've been spending some extra time ordering my life around what our needs are right now-- mainly spending time "fixing" little family issues and some personal time in the Word whenever I get a chance, so I apologize if I've been putting off responding to emails and phone calls. It really struck me the other day that I needed to practice what I preach, and that meant putting friends and "life" on hold to hear from God about some things and to really CARE for my family and put them first in some ways I hadn't been. It ended up being the right thing to do... but now I've got a mountain of emails and phone calls to return. Sigh.
Anyways. I've also been plugging away at my book, which I hope to finish relatively soon. Other than that? Nothing to report. Oh wait----
One more thing. Catholics, please join me and the OCDS community from the Dioscese of Raleigh in praying specifically with Our Lady of Victory for the elections.... here is the Litany of OLV.
Click here
While addressing the UN in New York last September, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, the president of Iran, apparently found himself bathed in a mysterious, visible, aura-like green light for most of the 30 minute speech. It began when he opened his speech "In the Name of Allah," and continued for the duration of the speech. UN listeners, likewise, seemed in a strange trance as not one of them moved or even BLINKED during the duration of the speech. Hmmmm.
Believe me now? If you do.... please pray, pray, pray!
Things never stop getting wierder over here.
Wayne left this morning and I was sad to see him go. It seems just as we sort out how to peacefully coexist again he's off for another week. It's very hard to miss someone so much and not be able to do anything about it.
I went to Carmelites again yesterday. It was absolutely phenomenal. One of the big themes for yesterday was the fruit of intercessory prayer. We heard testimony after testimony of answered prayer that really built our faith, and I'd like to invite blog readers to leave a comment for others with the most encouraging fruit of their OWN prayer life.
I haven't been answering email or blogging because I've been spending some extra time ordering my life around what our needs are right now-- mainly spending time "fixing" little family issues and some personal time in the Word whenever I get a chance, so I apologize if I've been putting off responding to emails and phone calls. It really struck me the other day that I needed to practice what I preach, and that meant putting friends and "life" on hold to hear from God about some things and to really CARE for my family and put them first in some ways I hadn't been. It ended up being the right thing to do... but now I've got a mountain of emails and phone calls to return. Sigh.
Anyways. I've also been plugging away at my book, which I hope to finish relatively soon. Other than that? Nothing to report. Oh wait----
One more thing. Catholics, please join me and the OCDS community from the Dioscese of Raleigh in praying specifically with Our Lady of Victory for the elections.... here is the Litany of OLV.
Thursday, October 9, 2008
The yoga of timeouts.
I know, I know, I said only a couple times a week, but I really do have things to say!! :P
I've been crazy busy... but its a busy-ness of my own making, so it's been a good busy. My best friend is on a major fitness kick, which has really reminded me of the importance of working out steadily because she's seeing such amazing results (I'm so proud of her!!) This week was disappointing in that department because Uncle Andy gets back from Iraq in just a few short days and when he does, I will have to face the reality that my plan to lose the babyweight during his six month deployment has been a total flop, mostly because I am WEAK!! God help me.
Like many of you out there, I love the idea of eating healthy but I dont love to eat healthy (hellooooo, chocolate. You evil thing.) Similarly, I love the idea of a hard workout but I hate it in the moment. Unless its yoga, but everyone and their grandma will tell me from morning til evening that I can't lose weight on just yoga. (Isn't that sad???) So basically, my plan to eat all the non-carbs in the world so long as I can have chocolate, and to do six hours straight of yoga each day is not going to make me any skinnier.
Then there's the demoralizing factor-- like, hey. I've blogged about this before but it really, really bothers me: how come some of us can go from hot girl to heavy in a matter of months no matter what types of sacrifices we make, but others of us can go from hot girl to MILF in a matter of seconds without lifting a finger. What is WITH that?? It makes me just want to throw up my hands, shake my fist at God's unfairness, and then bury my head in the sand-- or a big hill of melted chocolate. You know? But then you can't, because either way, you lose. You just have to suck it up and be strong, which is really, really annoying.
All this frustration led me to roll out the yoga mat again this week for the first time in about six months. While I never really lost my love of yoga, I definitely lost my yoga lifestyle somewhere in the late night feedings and the craziness of readjusting to life with two kids. Basically, now that the kids get up at 5:30, I don't want to get up at 4:30 for the morning yoga session. :P It used to be that I got up, did my yoga practice, sat down for some prayer and reading the Word, AND had my morning coffee, all before jojo's circus came on at 6 a.m. But now?? No way. I had entirely stopped my practice, even at night, because life just got in the way. Which makes me frustrated because usually yoga is the one thing (keeping in mind that yoga, for me, includes prayer and meditation on the Scriptures, not just asanas) that keeps me balanced! Basically, After April/Mayish, I stopped having a relationship with my Bible, and I stopped having a relationship with my Yoga mat. And that, friends, is not a good combo. My prayer life suffered. I stopped praying in tongues. Etc Etc. I decided to get back on the mat because it's always been the first step in awareness of my body, and it's so motivating because it feels so amazing that afterwards you feel ready to take on just about ANY physical tasks, including a hard workout!
Now that my mind and spiritual life has cleared, thanks partially to some much-needed deliverance in some areas, a resulting newfound clarity, and also to a renewed devotion to the Holy Spirit and love for the Word, it's time for my mind/body connection to strengthen again and I'm thankful that I'm ready to face this season with so much enthusiasm! It's been only a week since I took up my yoga practice again and I literally feel like I've unblocked parts of my body and person that were just... well.... stuck.
Another benefit to taking up yoga again has been the results on my kids! Taking an hour together like that has been so cool. I had never realized how the practical application of yoga in children can be so helpful in teaching them to cope with life! For example, I got the idea to use the benefits of Bhujangasana, or cobra pose (see below) which include the elimination of stress and fatigue and negative energy to help the kids when they need a time out because they are exhausted and acting up.
Today, when a meltdown was at hand, instead of giving a time out I encouraged my daughter to get into Cobra pose, which she did. We breathed there for a minute and got out and she was as good as new, and I didn't have to go to all the trouble of putting her in the time out, setting the timer, etc. She was calmer than she normally is after a time out AND I didn't even have to go get the pacifier!
Likewise, when she was acting lethargic earlier and didn't seem to want to do much, a quick series of asanas culminating in Frog pose gave her just the boost of energy she needed, and she had a blast doing it, too!
I could go on forever. Simhasana (Lion's Pose) for bad breath or stuttering. Malasana for gas. Downdog for sinus problems. Etc, etc etc. I always thought about it for myself but I never thought about passing those benefits onto the kids. So, yeah. I've been missing out, but I'm back on track now. And looking forward to really stretching towards God in a full-bodied prayer again each morning---- it's really, really, good.
And wouldn't you know it, just as I pick back up on my yoga passion, my knitting love came back full force, thanks to a dear friend who is learning how to knit. Seems like meditative tasks go hand in hand.... if you love the rosary, you'll love knitting. If you love knitting, you'll love yoga. If you love yoga, you'll love God more. If you love God more, you'll love the rosary more! If you love the rosary, you'll love prayer. And round and round it goes.
I've been crazy busy... but its a busy-ness of my own making, so it's been a good busy. My best friend is on a major fitness kick, which has really reminded me of the importance of working out steadily because she's seeing such amazing results (I'm so proud of her!!) This week was disappointing in that department because Uncle Andy gets back from Iraq in just a few short days and when he does, I will have to face the reality that my plan to lose the babyweight during his six month deployment has been a total flop, mostly because I am WEAK!! God help me.
Like many of you out there, I love the idea of eating healthy but I dont love to eat healthy (hellooooo, chocolate. You evil thing.) Similarly, I love the idea of a hard workout but I hate it in the moment. Unless its yoga, but everyone and their grandma will tell me from morning til evening that I can't lose weight on just yoga. (Isn't that sad???) So basically, my plan to eat all the non-carbs in the world so long as I can have chocolate, and to do six hours straight of yoga each day is not going to make me any skinnier.
Then there's the demoralizing factor-- like, hey. I've blogged about this before but it really, really bothers me: how come some of us can go from hot girl to heavy in a matter of months no matter what types of sacrifices we make, but others of us can go from hot girl to MILF in a matter of seconds without lifting a finger. What is WITH that?? It makes me just want to throw up my hands, shake my fist at God's unfairness, and then bury my head in the sand-- or a big hill of melted chocolate. You know? But then you can't, because either way, you lose. You just have to suck it up and be strong, which is really, really annoying.
All this frustration led me to roll out the yoga mat again this week for the first time in about six months. While I never really lost my love of yoga, I definitely lost my yoga lifestyle somewhere in the late night feedings and the craziness of readjusting to life with two kids. Basically, now that the kids get up at 5:30, I don't want to get up at 4:30 for the morning yoga session. :P It used to be that I got up, did my yoga practice, sat down for some prayer and reading the Word, AND had my morning coffee, all before jojo's circus came on at 6 a.m. But now?? No way. I had entirely stopped my practice, even at night, because life just got in the way. Which makes me frustrated because usually yoga is the one thing (keeping in mind that yoga, for me, includes prayer and meditation on the Scriptures, not just asanas) that keeps me balanced! Basically, After April/Mayish, I stopped having a relationship with my Bible, and I stopped having a relationship with my Yoga mat. And that, friends, is not a good combo. My prayer life suffered. I stopped praying in tongues. Etc Etc. I decided to get back on the mat because it's always been the first step in awareness of my body, and it's so motivating because it feels so amazing that afterwards you feel ready to take on just about ANY physical tasks, including a hard workout!
Now that my mind and spiritual life has cleared, thanks partially to some much-needed deliverance in some areas, a resulting newfound clarity, and also to a renewed devotion to the Holy Spirit and love for the Word, it's time for my mind/body connection to strengthen again and I'm thankful that I'm ready to face this season with so much enthusiasm! It's been only a week since I took up my yoga practice again and I literally feel like I've unblocked parts of my body and person that were just... well.... stuck.
Another benefit to taking up yoga again has been the results on my kids! Taking an hour together like that has been so cool. I had never realized how the practical application of yoga in children can be so helpful in teaching them to cope with life! For example, I got the idea to use the benefits of Bhujangasana, or cobra pose (see below) which include the elimination of stress and fatigue and negative energy to help the kids when they need a time out because they are exhausted and acting up.
Today, when a meltdown was at hand, instead of giving a time out I encouraged my daughter to get into Cobra pose, which she did. We breathed there for a minute and got out and she was as good as new, and I didn't have to go to all the trouble of putting her in the time out, setting the timer, etc. She was calmer than she normally is after a time out AND I didn't even have to go get the pacifier!
Likewise, when she was acting lethargic earlier and didn't seem to want to do much, a quick series of asanas culminating in Frog pose gave her just the boost of energy she needed, and she had a blast doing it, too!
I could go on forever. Simhasana (Lion's Pose) for bad breath or stuttering. Malasana for gas. Downdog for sinus problems. Etc, etc etc. I always thought about it for myself but I never thought about passing those benefits onto the kids. So, yeah. I've been missing out, but I'm back on track now. And looking forward to really stretching towards God in a full-bodied prayer again each morning---- it's really, really, good.
And wouldn't you know it, just as I pick back up on my yoga passion, my knitting love came back full force, thanks to a dear friend who is learning how to knit. Seems like meditative tasks go hand in hand.... if you love the rosary, you'll love knitting. If you love knitting, you'll love yoga. If you love yoga, you'll love God more. If you love God more, you'll love the rosary more! If you love the rosary, you'll love prayer. And round and round it goes.
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Glory to Glory
Been doing a lot of thinking about how modesty/moderation, etc works in this blog and I've decided to cut back on blogging as often as I do, just leaving it to like a couple times a week when I really have something to say.
This week has , as usual, been such a growing experience. I have gotten about as mad as I get, turning into a silently steaming. furious mess during my husband's RCIA class (its a discipleship/formation class for becoming a catholic, for those who don't know what it is) .... it is a very painful experience for me to sit in there and listen to heresy being accepted and preached as a "norm" of the faith, but I still haven't figured out how to say so and not lack in charity and love, so yeah. I sit silently and listen Sunday in and Sunday out as these new Catholics are being taught that everyone is saved and that the way they worship really doesn't matter and that there are no real reasons behind our traditions and that Evil is not really personnified in anyone but rather an esoteric "mystery" that humans are capable of, and that the Eucharist is AS important as me representing Jesus to someone else and that we dont need to give an answer to a scoffer because we have faith and that's all that matters, and that there is no hierarchy in the Church--- I could go on forever. I've decided that all I can do is pray and BE the change. I'm the one that always says that: BE the change. So that's all I can do. I can model truth and work on my own, personal holiness and that 's really all I can do. But MAN is it hard to sit quietly in there and listen to it. It is physically painful to see these pour souls being misled. No wonder half the RCIA candidates disappear from Planet Catholic after they are welcomed into the church. They aren't building a foundation on the ROCK.
Discernment is another big topic for the week: learning to be JUST where God wants me and not one centimeter to the right or to the left. It's hard for people like me who have an evangelical zeal and emotional enthusiasm about the gospel-- we want to see the whole world saved. So of course, we want to help every person we come into contact with to see and feel Jesus for themselves. Trouble is, God isn't always calling us to do that for EVERYONE. I have to learn to rightly order myself--- and as I disclosed last week, that's easier said than done when ministry to OTHERS is so much more gratifying than ministry to those God is calling me to specifically-- namely, my husband and kids! Who don't show gratitude or express how much God is using me in their lives. I've had to really evaluate where God is leading me specifically....and that means that I've had to let go of alot of bonds I was forming and time that was getting spent in a way that I really, really enjoyed.
BUT! The proof is in the pudding--- my kids and husband really grow and flourish when I'm rightly ordering my own time. Pretty crazy.
Been thinking alot about pregnancy too. This is exactly around the time where I got pregnant with Ishod, so even though we aren't TRYING to get pregnant and are actively practicing NFP to prevent a pregnancy, I have a feeling that God is softening our hearts and preparing us for a future pregnancy. Which is good-- I definitely have learned to just welcome life and rejoice at conception-- I've learned to really trust God in this area and to just let go. I have a lot of friends who are actively trying to concieve and I am spending a lot of time praying for them-- there are so many people in this world who have NO value for life, and here are these beautiful families just begging God to let them welcome His children--- my heart is just breaking for them. I don't feel as though our family is complete, that's for sure. I don't know what God has in store, but I would be overjoyed to have a large family. Financially, that seems impossible, but again-- nothing is impossible with God.
Anyways, all this stuff has me going totally introspective and that means that I'm really just seeking God, which brings me to the next thing I wanted to share: my newfound love for and appreciation of the Word of God. I just have so much gratitude for scripture!!! It's so amazing, because I have always loved the Bible as a protestant, but now my love for Scripture has just completely grown, which is crazy. I love to hear from God, and it seems the more time goes by, the more thankfulness I have for the ability to really HEAR from God in His Word. I'm on a mission to get all the Catholics I know to appreciate the treasure they have in the Word--- We know from Scripture that Jesus is the Word, and we know from Scripture that Jesus brings us the Holy Spirit.. Jesus Brings us the Holy Spirit when we are baptized, Jesus brings us the Holy Spirit when we seek Him in the Word, Jesus brings us the Holy Spirit when we lift up our hands in praise.... wow. I want more of the Holy Spirit in my life, and so I need to spend more time with the One who will always bring the Spirit to me-- Jesus.
It really seems like God is bringing us back to the church for "Such a time as this," because there is such a need for evangelical zeal, for appreciation and love for the Holy Spirit, for biblical "soundness" in the Roman Catholic Church these days. It's like half the Catholics out there are just dying to become episcopalians or something. Its' crazy wierd. I'm like, stretching towards the Eucharist each day and all these others around us are casually chomping on it and I just don't get it. I'm like... do you KNOW what you have here in the Church????? Do you know what an amazing blessing you have to be Catholic and to be able to be IN HIS PRESENCE the way you are???? He comes inside of you and lights you up from the inside in a special way that He CANT for those who haven't yet discerned Him here. Every Catholic person should wake up everyday with a song of praise on his lips for being able to recieve Christ in the Eucharist. It is soo strange and sad that God's own people persist in missing out on His blessing--- but there is nothing new under the sun. We've been doing it since Israel. Actually, since the garden. But if His people, who are called by His name, will humble themselves and pray, and seek His face and turn from their wicked ways, then He will hear from heaven, He will forgive their sin and heal their land. (2 Chron 7:14)
Lord, let it be done to me according to your Word.
This week has , as usual, been such a growing experience. I have gotten about as mad as I get, turning into a silently steaming. furious mess during my husband's RCIA class (its a discipleship/formation class for becoming a catholic, for those who don't know what it is) .... it is a very painful experience for me to sit in there and listen to heresy being accepted and preached as a "norm" of the faith, but I still haven't figured out how to say so and not lack in charity and love, so yeah. I sit silently and listen Sunday in and Sunday out as these new Catholics are being taught that everyone is saved and that the way they worship really doesn't matter and that there are no real reasons behind our traditions and that Evil is not really personnified in anyone but rather an esoteric "mystery" that humans are capable of, and that the Eucharist is AS important as me representing Jesus to someone else and that we dont need to give an answer to a scoffer because we have faith and that's all that matters, and that there is no hierarchy in the Church--- I could go on forever. I've decided that all I can do is pray and BE the change. I'm the one that always says that: BE the change. So that's all I can do. I can model truth and work on my own, personal holiness and that 's really all I can do. But MAN is it hard to sit quietly in there and listen to it. It is physically painful to see these pour souls being misled. No wonder half the RCIA candidates disappear from Planet Catholic after they are welcomed into the church. They aren't building a foundation on the ROCK.
Discernment is another big topic for the week: learning to be JUST where God wants me and not one centimeter to the right or to the left. It's hard for people like me who have an evangelical zeal and emotional enthusiasm about the gospel-- we want to see the whole world saved. So of course, we want to help every person we come into contact with to see and feel Jesus for themselves. Trouble is, God isn't always calling us to do that for EVERYONE. I have to learn to rightly order myself--- and as I disclosed last week, that's easier said than done when ministry to OTHERS is so much more gratifying than ministry to those God is calling me to specifically-- namely, my husband and kids! Who don't show gratitude or express how much God is using me in their lives. I've had to really evaluate where God is leading me specifically....and that means that I've had to let go of alot of bonds I was forming and time that was getting spent in a way that I really, really enjoyed.
BUT! The proof is in the pudding--- my kids and husband really grow and flourish when I'm rightly ordering my own time. Pretty crazy.
Been thinking alot about pregnancy too. This is exactly around the time where I got pregnant with Ishod, so even though we aren't TRYING to get pregnant and are actively practicing NFP to prevent a pregnancy, I have a feeling that God is softening our hearts and preparing us for a future pregnancy. Which is good-- I definitely have learned to just welcome life and rejoice at conception-- I've learned to really trust God in this area and to just let go. I have a lot of friends who are actively trying to concieve and I am spending a lot of time praying for them-- there are so many people in this world who have NO value for life, and here are these beautiful families just begging God to let them welcome His children--- my heart is just breaking for them. I don't feel as though our family is complete, that's for sure. I don't know what God has in store, but I would be overjoyed to have a large family. Financially, that seems impossible, but again-- nothing is impossible with God.
Anyways, all this stuff has me going totally introspective and that means that I'm really just seeking God, which brings me to the next thing I wanted to share: my newfound love for and appreciation of the Word of God. I just have so much gratitude for scripture!!! It's so amazing, because I have always loved the Bible as a protestant, but now my love for Scripture has just completely grown, which is crazy. I love to hear from God, and it seems the more time goes by, the more thankfulness I have for the ability to really HEAR from God in His Word. I'm on a mission to get all the Catholics I know to appreciate the treasure they have in the Word--- We know from Scripture that Jesus is the Word, and we know from Scripture that Jesus brings us the Holy Spirit.. Jesus Brings us the Holy Spirit when we are baptized, Jesus brings us the Holy Spirit when we seek Him in the Word, Jesus brings us the Holy Spirit when we lift up our hands in praise.... wow. I want more of the Holy Spirit in my life, and so I need to spend more time with the One who will always bring the Spirit to me-- Jesus.
It really seems like God is bringing us back to the church for "Such a time as this," because there is such a need for evangelical zeal, for appreciation and love for the Holy Spirit, for biblical "soundness" in the Roman Catholic Church these days. It's like half the Catholics out there are just dying to become episcopalians or something. Its' crazy wierd. I'm like, stretching towards the Eucharist each day and all these others around us are casually chomping on it and I just don't get it. I'm like... do you KNOW what you have here in the Church????? Do you know what an amazing blessing you have to be Catholic and to be able to be IN HIS PRESENCE the way you are???? He comes inside of you and lights you up from the inside in a special way that He CANT for those who haven't yet discerned Him here. Every Catholic person should wake up everyday with a song of praise on his lips for being able to recieve Christ in the Eucharist. It is soo strange and sad that God's own people persist in missing out on His blessing--- but there is nothing new under the sun. We've been doing it since Israel. Actually, since the garden. But if His people, who are called by His name, will humble themselves and pray, and seek His face and turn from their wicked ways, then He will hear from heaven, He will forgive their sin and heal their land. (2 Chron 7:14)
Lord, let it be done to me according to your Word.
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