Wednesday, November 28, 2007
It's shameful how little I've been knitting. I really miss it.
I have, however, made up the Christmas eve menus. In France we do the "Reveillon"--- a "Waiting for Jesus" kind of celebration on the eve of Christmas. Wayne's dad is in charge of the actual day meal, (we're having duck! Yum!) So here's the menu and plans for our small family's eve celebration:
Glass of Swedish glogg and Foie Gras on Krispbread
Smoked salmon and lemon slices
Yummy cheese platter and salad
Hot chocolate with marshmallows.
We will be having supper at 6, followed by a Christmas play (Wayne and I are going to tell Annika the story of Christmas) and Caroling with the beans. At 8 we are going to watch my all time favorite Christmas movie, The preacher's wife, with Whitney Houston, and then we (or perhaps I?) will be systematically praying for the nations starting at 10 in a Christmas countdown vigil. And at midnight, of course, we'll break out the bubbly and welcome Jesus into the world with the pop of a champagne (or cider) cork and a great deal of "wow!"
I'm really looking forward to it.
And thanks for all the prayer, guys. We are really blessed by it!
Wayne and I have been discussing the possibility of getting involved in the North American Regia Society, and doing viking-age living history stuff as a family. We are amped to do it but we dont have a ton of financial resources to get started and there is no current group in North Carolina to which we could attach.
But it is something we've wanted to do for a long time and, frankly, for which we are definitely made. :P Plus, the kids will totally love it!
Ok, that's all the updates I've got for today. Oh, we went to the doc's this AM and Ishod has gained 1 1/2 lbs in 8 days.... totally more than he needed. My boob milk is good and he's getting all the hindmilk...so no more worrying.
I'm hoping to re-start my yoga practice tomorrow since I'm starting to feel a bit better, and I know Annika will enjoy it-- everytime I roll out the yoga mat for meditation she runs over to do some down dog, updog sequences. What a yoga baby!
We still haven't gotten Ishod circumsized. We found a day or night mohel in Fl who was willing to do it until he heard we wouldn't renounce Jesus.
Basically, the Rabbinical council says that to do a Brit Milah the son must be the child of two non-Jesus loving parents, at the very least a non-Jesus freak mom. whoops! Sorry, I wont deny my savior. I'm desperately trying to contact a messianic congregation about an hour and a half from here who might be able to help. But he's not getting any younger, so I appreciate SO much any prayer you guys can deliver to get this little baby snipped!
Monday, November 26, 2007
for sharing this stuff on the net. The reason I do it is simple. I once read a blog that changed the way I thought about
something. I once read a blog that encouraged me that I was making a good decision. I once read a blog where I discovered
that other people were going through the exact same thing I was. And for that--- it's all worth the potential embarrassment
of someone who knows us reading this and going: "Ooooooooh!! I'm telling."
Christians, I believe, should be transparent. It prevents hipocrisy and brings things to the light. That's what I'm trying
to do here.
I guess I should start by saying that God allows me to be tested, every time, when I make up my mind to follow Him in one
area of my life. That's exactly what has happened with me since the Ravelry thread on submission to your husband. The thing,
for those of you who aren't on Ravelry, about that thread was that there was something profoundly spiritual happening in it.
It reminded me of some old school R&P threads--- in that God and Satan, alongside the flesh, were definitely showing up and
definitely doing battle. In it, the very idea that one could be truly joyful in a submitted wife role was fought over. And I
maintained a position that I have discovered to be true-- that there is joy in submission, in doing what we were created to
Of course, that got tested immediately, and I have always been able to say that it has been tested in a way that kept me
safe. But over the last few weeks, the mental and moral state of my husband has taken a plunge to a place where I'm not sure
what is going on anymore. Basically--- he's having a faith crisis. It's been going on since California, and it's not without
cause. But it is rooted in sin, and unfortunately for all of us, no one else can learn our lessons for us at the foot of the
cross. They have to be personalized and delivered straight to us by our Lord Himself, and I'm not the Holy Spirit in his
life. I am "AS" the Holy Spirit in his life.
We've had the opportunity to talk about it at great lengths this weekend. We even forsook the fellowship of believers to
sort it all out. And we've come to quite a few conclusions which I will spare you. But let me just say that I've had to
re-evaluate the expectations that I have of my husband because of some choices he is making. And it has been a rough
adjustment. I praise God for the strength He gives me not to be fearful in dark times but to be hopeful and teachable.
In today's My Utmost for His highest, Oswald Chambers says that frequently Christians focus too much on the effects of the
Cross and forget to focus on the cross itself. That's what has been happening here. My husband has expectations that come
from His decision to put His faith in God. When God doesn't deliver, he hasn't said: "what's wrong with me?" He's said:
"What's wrong with God?"
And it's hard. I'm not saying these things to uncover my husband, I'm saying them because somewhere someone is reading this
who has a wife or husband who goes through the exact same thing. And just as I have hope in this crisis, I want them to have
A response to a post of mine in the the now-dying feminism thread in ravelry says: "The submitted wife thing I'm sure works
fine in ideal scenarios, ones in which the man is respectful, mature, affectionate, a good communicator, and a good
provider. One in which the wife never has to worry about money for food, clothing, shelter, etc., and one in which the wife
really does have as her only goal a clean house, dinner on the table, and a passel of kids underfoot. I'm sure it works very
The thing is... that person (femiknitzi, for inquiring minds) missed the whole point with that statement. You see, even if
your husband is disrespectful, immature, not affectionate, a terrible communicator, and a terrible provider... Even when you
have no idea where your next dime will come from, and when your dreams are bigger than a clean house, there can be joy in
submission. And why? Because you have learned the hardest lesson every Christian who is "dying to herself" can grasp: it's
not about you. Your joy doesn't depend on the benefits you receive. Those benefits are good and great and wonderful, but
they aren't the point. I've certainly lived without them and I don't expect them to result from my submission. But I do
expect to honor God. And that's a joy unlike any other.
The bottom line is that we must choose today whom we will serve-- whether it be our own selves or the Lord or other people. And through the process of sanctification, by the grace of God, I'm starting to learn what that means.
After our talk, which was admittedly very hard... (I have been agonizing over bringing a biblical reproof to my husband over certain things he has been doing. The reason I struggle is because I'm not sure where his faith lies. You can tell a professing christian something about sin in his life and his response will be "thank you, sister," and true repentance. But you can tell an unsaved person the same thing and his response will be "who are you to judge me? screw you." I wasn't sure which route to take with my husband because the very sin I wanted to address was one that caused him to respond like an unsaved person. To top it off, I wasn't sure if I should bring it to a pastor as well, or wether that was uncovering my husband. In the end, the right choice was to bring it at an appropriate time to my husband alone, and then to LISTEN as he shared with me the inner workings of his heart. And though it appeared as though no difference was made by my saying anything, we ended the conversation after many hours with his repentance in one or two areas that I had addressed. His faith is still on shaky ground, which is scary, but I am hopeful. And in the end, our love and unity was strengthened. His reactions to our talk since yesterday have been totally changed. I'm amazed and thankful.)
He asked me something that I think we should all ask of ourselves: "Do you love and respect me because the Bible says you have to, or do you love and respect me because you really do?"
Wow. What a tough question to answer. I went the honest route: "sometimes," I said, "I love you because I have to. But more often than not I love you because I really love you."
"What is there to love about me?" he asked.
My mind wandered over the last three incredible years of marriage. I thought about picking ripe berries with him in a field behind an old southern church in the hot, sweaty summer, about waiting for him as he ran into the forest to grab me the prettiest flower he had ever seen. I thought about pictures he had drawn of us as a legionnaire and his wife on the sandy beaches of ancient greece. I thought about nights up late creating "impenetrable fortresses" and our dream of opening a viking living history village and raising our kids in "the olde ways." I thought about holding hands and racing down the off ramp of a freeway, hearts pounding, barbed wire cuts bleeding in our legs and arms as we ran towards freedom and love together that fateful April day at Fort Jackson.
I thought about summer days spent on the sandy shores of the cape fear river, aligators and all. About freezing Christmas mornings when we clustered around our tree, opening presents other people had gotten us to give to each other.
I thought about the man who stood up to a whole company's worth of drill seargants to profess his love for me. I thought about the man who tried to sustain his family any way he knew how when his dream was gone... from putting on a suit every morning to sell cars to track pants to sell fitness.
I thought about his excited shout when he first saw Annika's head appear, and again as he raised his new son up in the air with great pride.
"What's not to love?" I told him. "I've never loved anything more."
You see, whether my husband is a believer or not is going to HUGELY affect the quality of my life and my children's lives. But it isn't going to change the love I have for him or my ability to submit to him. It's only going to change the speed at which I need to pull myself together enough to be his REAL helpmeet. That's what I'm here for. And now is my time to shine. :)
Saturday, November 24, 2007
I'm alone in the house with the babies. Annika is talking to herself and waiting for lunch, and Ishod is sleeping. He hasn't figured out his days from his nights yet.
When mom arrived at the airport, she called to tell me she had made it safely. I thanked her again for being so helpful and she said she wanted to apologize for the times she wasn't helpful. I wanted to cry but I made nothing out of it and quickly changed the subject. You see, it MATTERS to me that my parents approve of me. But I sometimes have to accept that they aren't always going to.... that's the nature of life.
Last night as we were watching Empire of the Sun all together, Wayne was chopping up some wood pieces for her and he went outside to file them so I wouldn't flip about the filings on the floor. All of a sudden mom errupted into a horrifying rant about how terrible it was that we were so ill-informed about the goings on in the world. I mean, a real rant... hollering and everything. I asked her where the notion even came from and she said she had wanted to go get a newspaper for Wayne to put the filings on so he could stay inside in the warm, but of course, we didn't have a newspaper. This really freaked her out. I can see why--I used to be a journalist! The idea of me not being bound and glued to the news is really strange, but also liberating for me... just different than what she's used to. But to her, it's the epitome of me not living up to the dreams she had for me. And that hurts her. I know. My parents have always had big plans for us and big ideas. Since arriving here she has spent lengthy car rides trying to convince me to move ANYWHERE besides Fayetteville, to nag my husband into doing things around the house, (she even tried it!) and to change our way of life in any number of ways. It's really got me thinking.
You see, a few weeks ago, before the arrival of our two latest visitors, there were neither seeds of doubt nor seeds of strife in our home. Things were calm, if you can believe that, and things were simple. But then in comes people with opinions and ideas and questions and all of a sudden I find myself questioning everything. It threw my husband for a spin as well. And I'm not blaming the guests, mind you. I'm blaming myself--- in the time in which I needed my Savior most, I totally and completely abandoned Him for time trying to live up to the expectations of my guests. Sure, I read my bible. But I didn't COMMUNE with my Lord. I didn't spend time in worship, I didn't take the time to hear from God. And so my guests suffered, because they could see that I was unhappy with the way they wanted to tell me how life should be for me, instead of me just graciously taking their opinions and being an example, I shut down and got frustrated with them and the situation.
At that moment, I lost my ability to be light in the world. I lost my ability to stand on what I know is right and ok because I allowed their opinions to plant seeds in my heart--- if only for a moment. I disrespected my husband because they disrespected my husband. I questioned my child training methods because they questioned them. I allowed myself to begin to question what the heck we were doing back in Fayetteville and all that because THEY couldn't understand it. I didn't do these things externally or out loud, but my greatest sin is to do them in my heart-- because the Lord knows my heart.
I ended up showing my doubt through tearful moments and frustrations instead of standing my ground so completely that they couldn't help but see that I was OK and in God's will for my life. But somehow, some way, God still was able to show that to my mom on her drive to the airport, because she called and said she was sorry. Amazing.
I don't want her to be sorry. I am sorry, because I failed. She's just doing what she knows to do. She isn't a Christian. How else could she behave?
Anyways.... it's all crazy. Gah. I sure did learn a ton about the use of my tongue, though. And now that I've repented, I am praying that God will restore right order in my home. It appears He has already begun to do just that :)
Thursday, November 22, 2007
Let's see. Ishod is eight days old. We are trying to get him circumsized but it's been a challenge so far. If God wants it, it will happen. No open doors yet.
He is so cute and fun! I can't believe how easy newborns are and I can't believe I was so flipped out about Annika- I'm wondering just how selfish I really was last year when she was born because I suffered so much at the beginning.... and really all throughout. Wierd.
My mom has been here to help out. I wasn't sure what to expect. Last year with Annika it was really challenging, mostly because she is a person with a great many opinions that she likes to put on people about EVERYTHING. As a result, I'm a great disappointment to my parents. I have been for a long time, because their idea of what I would end up doing and being was never mine, and they have just had challenge after challenge raising the kind of daughter they see as ideal.
Because of that, there is always a difficult moment when my mom gives an opinion about something (and believe me, it could be anything) and I disagree. She can't fathom that I might a) not agree and b) not listen. She thinks it's rebellion in me, ironically, because rebellion is actually a generational curse and a demonic thing I've dealt with periodically that was passed on THROUGH her to me. I say this not because of anything major--- my mother is by all worldly standards a wonderful person. She's amazing. But her own rebellion definitely passed into me and has been something I have frequently done battle with.
To top it off, she voices her opinions as if they are fact. Which makes it hard when they are often unbiblical. For example, she has been totally appalled at the dynamic in my marriage. She doesn't like that I submit to my husband. She tried to curse my marriage by saying we'd be divorced in ten years when I realized how much he was stifling me. She things Wayne is a tyrant and big old meanie. (among other nicer things, of course, but the point is that she can't imagine why I would live this way.) She tried to curse my daughter by saying she would absolutely be rebellious against us. (death and life are in the power of the tongue is not something she seems to be familiar with!) She doesn't like the south because she doesn't like the way people live here and thinks everyone here is an uneducated redneck and therefore not interesting. On the way to my MIL's house today, she kept ranting on and on about how in the world I could choose to live here when I've been all over the world and seen so many things. What a dump, she thinks. And I understand... I really do. Fayetteville can seem like a dump. I certainly thought so when I moved here.... But if someone chooses to live here and professes to be happy-- why not give them the benefit of the doubt? Why say it's IMPOSSIBLE to be happy here?
I think the hardest things have been to see how she still hasn't let go of the fact that Wayne and I actually got married. She brought up today, in the midst of some nice conversation at Wayne's dad's house, how the first few times he talked to my own dad were in an extremely unpleasant "circumstances." (reminder to those who are new to my blog--- we eloped while AWOL from basic training in the army after knowing each other less than three weeks and my parents were LIVID.)
These circumstances were unpleasant for MY parents, so much so that they can't let them go. EVERY time, without fail, that they are with us they have to mention at least once how much they disapproved. But Wayne's dad's response was awesomely Spirit led: "Well," he said. "I realized that these were the cards we had been dealt. But more than that, they love each other. And I've come to love Barbie just as much as you do." what a blessing that was!
And she keeps saying things about my marriage that really sting. She called my husband a "child," and said she can't understand how I could respect him. Long story short, she basically manifested right in my kitchen for almost thirty minutes... and I stood there knowing in the Spirit that I should take authority and start casting out devils in the name of Jesus while allowing my fear in the flesh to win and just staring, wide eyed, as she insulted my family, my way of life, and my God's plan for a heavenly marriage.
Basically? It's a really good lesson in parenting. You can't plan out your kids lives, or expect them to DO certain things just because that's how you envision life for them. You have to train them up in the way they should go--- controlling much in the beginning, then allowing them to use self control, and finally releasing them to the Spirit controlled life. Like an inverted triangle. If you try to control it all from day one to the end, you are not parenting. You are dictating. And it's hard. See, my parents don't believe that I should look to my husband for guidance, advice, and life choices. They still think they know better than he does what is "good " for me. It's really pretty good for me to go through this-- although it's incredibly painful every time because --- let's face it--- I want them to like me and be proud of me.
On top of that, Wayne always gets really frustrated when we have guests who "interrupt" our family DNA. (Which we have a lot , because our guests are usually not Christians and usually very opinionated, even when they are.) So he kind of shuts down. He's polite, but just enough. And he sulks a lot when no one's looking, which makes me feel like he's making a bad situation even more unbearable for me.
Basically, everyone I know has a hard time when their mom or their in laws come to the house for a visit. But it gets even harder when my mom and my husband are actually in competition for who gets to run the house... and when I'm constantly being forced to choose my husband over my mother who just doesn't understand why it's disrespectful to come into someone's house and just take over with our own ideas of how things "should" be done.
Annika reacts to all the vibes in the house by throwing tantrums like we've never seen, which is hard, because the grandparents don't agree with discipline. Shes' very frustrated and I can't do much but pray against the verbal assaults she is enduring in the curse department-- she's been called "sickly," "fragile," "rebellious," "difficult," "willful," and "disobedient," time after time this week, none of which are adjectives I'm receiving for her character if you know what I mean.
But through it all, I'm rejoicing in these trials... because I know that God is creating perseverence and character in me through them! It's a beautiful thing. I just hope we all come out of it unscathed and I hope that despite all of it, I'm able to be a light in this home in whatever way God sees fit.
In other news, the BFing is going great although he's not a good latcher. I'm not sleeping much but that's normal. I'm really looking forward to next week's peace and a return to our "normal" lives (with our new addition)
I'm also SO thankful.... so thankful! For my family, for my mother's help this week with the cooking and cleaning, etc. For my friends, for my church, for the advancement of the kingdom- and most of all for the CROSS. Thank You, so much Lord, for the wonderous cross on which I can nail everything that keeps me from perfect union with You!
Friday, November 16, 2007
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
I was awakened with desperately awful contractions at 11 and haven't been able to go back to bed since. To top it off, as I was getting off the toilet a few minutes ago, I was pleasantly surprised by a large, stringy, mucousy mess running down my leg and scaring the crap out of me (yes, I am still nervous about my water breaking!)-- that's right folks, the rest of my mucous plug. (if you've never been pregnant, reading my blog is probably making you wonder if you ever should. It is a pretty ghastly experience at times and I'm the first to tell you it's possible to love the result and LOATHE the experience.)
So yay. What I love about labor is....there is really so little anyone can tell you about your own, they are all different. And that though there are volumes of information available to you out there, knowing ALL Of it wont make a single difference in the way you experience yours-- no matter how informed you are your labor will still both SUCK completely and be totally amazing. What a wierd thing. No wonder the Word says we are sanctified by childbirth.
Well, I'm going to go back to looking up bacterial infections in OBGYN journals and reading up on what the term "white privilege" means (I've just discovered it in a ravelry thread on the public school systems) and pray that these bad boys ease to a low roar so I can go back to sleep.
I can't remember the last time sleep sounded so sweet to me... and to think I'm not going to have any for months to come. At least I've got my man and my little bean. It's us against the world. :)
Monday, November 12, 2007
I was super fortunate to receive about 20 CDs for annika of all different shapes and types, so I could experiment a ton before I made my decisions. OUt of those, only three brands really caught my eye and then I discovered only one could stand up to the heavy wetting night time-ness of my sweet little bean. Bumgenius, I love you.
Bumgenius, Happy Heinys, and Jamtotz turned out to be my three faves. Happy Heinys and Jamtotz were great, but they came in sizes, of which I only have larges, so I decided it would be more economical for me to go with an all in one which fits newborns to toddlers. Enter bumgenius, the amazing-est diaper you've ever seen. I really , really, love them, although they aren't as sturdy as I'd like. (I'm washing these guys every day)
Anyhoo.... once I figured out cloth diapering, I decided to cloth WIPE too... which has been an adventure all it's own. I have a stack of washrags and a big spray bottle of water, and it usually only takes one rag to wash her little bottom, even after the biggest poops. I'm actually, weirdly, soooo happy with CDing. I can't imagine going back now that I know how easy it is -- and fun!! The best part is that Annika tells me when she needs a change now, because she can feel it. Which is a great help for potty training.
THEN, I discovered Kushies. THey are the cheapo walmart version of CDing. I decided to try them out to replace the bumgenius I couldn't afford (I bought a 12 pack of bumgenius and then 10 Kushies for daytime use and "Around the house" use.) Who knew these would be so great? They are a TINY bit on the bulky side (although no where near as bad as they could be!) and definitely plasticy, but MAN. They work great, no leaks, and cost practically nothing compared to all the other All in ones I've seen. I'm totally in love with them and have decided to use only BumGenius and Kushies from here on out.
I know it's bizarre that I'm so into CDing, but I guarantee if you try it and like it you'll be as excited as I am... I'm like, waiting for the dryer to buzz so I can go arrange my piles of clean diapers in Annika's room, and constantly checking to see if she needs changing. Haha.
There's something really incredibly satisfying about a diaper changing station that has neat little piles of clean liners, covers, and washrags. plus the stuff they are made of these days is just the most amazing cottons..... so comfy and soft!!!
Who knows, I may get so into it I start using only Cloth menstrual pads and get rid of toilet paper altogether! Just kidding.
But I did read today about all of the creepy toxic chemicals they put in disposable diapers and I'm wishing that I would have known about cloths sooner. Its' really funny that my MIL and FIL and all the old people I know are like.... super surprised that I am Cloth diapering. Why on earth would I do that if I don't have to, they ask.
Then I show them the diapers and they just oooo and ah. It's awesome.
Anyways, can you tell I'm trying to distract myself from the pain? Hehe. It's totally working.
Keep walking, but you won't knock down our wall.
Keep walking. But she isn't gonna to fall!
It's plain to see, your brains are very small...
To think walking, will be knocking down our wall.
I went to the midwife this morning fully in expectation that she would say: "Wow! Miracle of miracles! You are four centimeters, let's rush you to the hospital!"
But NOOOOOOoooooooOOOO. Instead, I was left to my own devices in a closet sized room for about a half hour to peruse the gigantic posters of the female reproductive system complete with way-too-graphic bubbles that explain the gory inner workings of your every day sexually transmitted diseases. Yum. After that, all I could think about was how weird it was that anyone, knowing that those things exist and you could possibly catch them, would want to do anything but abstain from sex until they had met and married someone who was as free of those as they were. Basically, I decided I was no longer in support of any type of sex ed other than forcing teenagers to sit and stare at charts like these for long periods of time.
I also noted with great sadness how many times the chart said: "Women experience more discomfort. Only women may show symptoms. Women are at higher risk. Etc, etc." Women really get rolled when it comes to STDs. Half of them, men aren't even aware they are carrying! I had my bible with me and I noted how many times the Lord reminds women to be chaste. Purity is a hugely stressed biblical theme for women--- gee, I wonder why. The whole experience made me so incredibly grateful that God protected me through all the insanity of my teenage and college years.
Anyways, the midwife checked me and told me I was..... still 2 cm. Not even 3 yet. WHAT?????
When she saw the visibly distressed-- almost crying-- look on my face, she immediately moved into the "let's see what could be happening here" phase, which consisted of some very well placed questions: "Does it hurt mostly here?" (pushes on my lower belly pelvic region) DUh!
She suggested wearing a maternity belt to get some of the pressure off my bladder and pelvic region since baby's head is now fully engaged. She then spent about twenty minutes apologizing for hurting me as she poked, cranked, and prodded me with large cotton swabs and wierd metal scrap-y objects. She took the resulting tissues and swipes to her office to look under a microscope and returned rejoicing: "You have a bacterial infection that is causing the contractions to be stronger than they really are!"
well, that's great. But what does that mean? It means that though the contractions are PRODUCTIVE in the sense that they are opening my cervix, they are not as strong as the pain they are producing in me on the painscale. I've just been blessed with the ability to experience very strong contractions while NOT having very strong contractions. Weeee.
She prescribed me an antibiotic of some kind which will clear up the infection, which should make the contractions more tolerable until ACTUAL hard labor begins. This gives me some semblance of hope that I will be in a little less pain and thus able to recuperate so that I can re-strengthen for ACTUAL labor. (I read in a magazine today that the best prep for a good labor was to be well rested. Good news for someone who hasn't had more than four hours sleep a night since October!! I also read that one doctor often explains to husbands that it is similar to being forced to push a grand piano across a room with no help, thus explaining all the huffing and puffing and yelling.)
With that in mind, she also prescribed me a painkiller which I'm going to break down and take so that I can sleep at night...she says that it will knock me out and I'm at the point where I'm ok with that.
I'm going to pick up some acidophilus to avoid the usual repercussions of taking antibiotics and I'm also going to spend a good deal of time just connecting with Ishod and trying to work with him to get this process over with, to minimize the post-delivery problems I enjoyed last time (and they were really, really fun) being made worse by the amount of time it's taking to get him out.
Mostly, I'm just going to rest in the arms of my Savior.
Sunday, November 11, 2007
Onward, Christian soldiers, marching as to war,
With the cross of Jesus going on before.
Christ, the royal Master, leads against the foe;
Forward into battle see His banners go!
Onward, Christian soldiers, marching as to war,
With the cross of Jesus going on before.
At the sign of triumph Satan’s host doth flee;
On then, Christian soldiers, on to victory!
Hell’s foundations quiver at the shout of praise;
Brothers lift your voices, loud your anthems raise.
Like a mighty army moves the church of God;
Brothers, we are treading where the saints have trod.
We are not divided, all one body we,
One in hope and doctrine, one in charity.
What the saints established that I hold for true.
What the saints believèd, that I believe too.
Long as earth endureth, men the faith will hold,
Kingdoms, nations, empires, in destruction rolled.
Crowns and thrones may perish, kingdoms rise and wane,
But the church of Jesus constant will remain.
Gates of hell can never gainst that church prevail;
We have Christ’s own promise, and that cannot fail.
Onward then, ye people, join our happy throng,
Blend with ours your voices in the triumph song.
Glory, laud and honor unto Christ the King,
This through countless ages men and angels sing.
Saturday, November 10, 2007
It took 24 hours for Wayne to come around to talking to me, but I'm so glad he did. We had an incredible talk and we were able to hit the core issues at the heart of why there was such a strong reaction to something so meaningless. Once we had hashed out our situation, I realized just how deeply the WAY I look to my husband affects him.... right down to his sense of confidence. The root was a faith issue, but it was incredible to see how much my own reactions to his faith issue were causing him heartache and anxiety.
I explained to him my view of protection: why HE needs authority over him just as much as I need authority over me, and the cycle of protection that God affords each of us. I explained that I believed that just as we wives have never married a man we find nothing wrong with (we're all sinners!) , he as a husband would never find a church to submit to that he would find nothing wrong with. But if we operate within the appropriate structures, we ARE protected. Which is what this whole crisis was all about. how amazing that all week God was preparing me to understand this exact system of protection that he provides, and all this so that at my husband's most vulnerable moment, I would be prepared to share it with him. God is so good.
I know I'm being kind of vague, but suffice to say that, as expected, taking the route of biblical submission in this case really enabled him to open up to me and share intimately the turmoil in his soul, which God had prepared me to bring healing for! God is soooooo amazing.
Anyways. Still no more than 12 mins apart. This is starting to just be... life. I'm going to the doc's again on Monday am. They wont induce me before my due date, but maybe they can help somehow. We'll see.
Friday, November 9, 2007
Our mouths sure do get us into a ton of trouble, don't they?
I'm always saying how as soon as I make a bold statement for something I believe in my blog, or in public, I'm immediately allowed to go into a period of testing about it. Well, as if things haven't been crazy enough around here, I'm right there in that testing period and it's driving me into a wall that only prayer and some time with my Savior can help me to destroy.
I said yesterday in my blog that I was frustrated that people a) make judgements about my family based on their limited scope of observation or their own personal likes/dislikes and b) reprove my husband by talking to ME about it instead of bringing it to him, which causes all types of turmoil and doubt in myself and my emotions, on which I don't want to rely. During the course of the last 48 hours or so I've really come to figure out which of the issues we've been having based on other people's perceptions of what our family life should look like need to be resolved, and which ones I need to let go of.
I'm not worried about any of them, and I'm grateful for the scripture that tells us to get the log out of our own eye first, because I'm of the opinion that we are ALL sinners and each one of us have to go ahead and be humbled and demonstrate repentance in whatever areas we need to assume responsibility for. In the eyes of the Lord, the Word says, sin is sin. It all leads to death and destruction. An abusive husband is no worse than a husband who is addicted to pornography or a wife who nags and disrespects. You know? We're all miserable sinners who, but by the grace of God, deserve our own little parking space in hell.
Anyways, today Wayne was super uptight. He's getting really tired of this labor thing (HA!!! At least he's not the one going through it) and to top it off it's causing us difficulties financially (he hasn't been to work all week so he could be around to help me) and emotionally, because I'm really resisting his desire to hurry this baby up by asking me to walk alot, eat spicy foods, etc. To top it off, yesterday during Annika's shots he had to hold her down because of the live virus danger for me, and he ended up getting really sick today.
It's really frustrating going through all of this for both of us.
I mean, I'm all for this experience being over, BELIEVE ME. But I just feel as though this baby isn't ready and I'm OK with waiting on God's perfect timing. I was relieved when my doc agreed yesterday in my desperate AM phone call to help me end this pain that my body needs more preparation time than other people's bodies, mostly because as my old OB pointed out, I'm pretty "narrow" and thus need a lot of wiggle room to be created for the baby to come out. That's why Annika took so long and that's apparently why Ishod is taking so long.
Anyways, he took me to the store to buy me Wasabi covered peanuts. (yes, I'm serious) and I ended up getting ticked off at how much he's rushing this, flipping out, and accidentally spilling them all over the car and under his feet while he was trying to drive, which caused a huge blowout between us.
Yep, we're that frustrated and exhausted. Peanuts are causing a marriage problem. :P
Anyways, I'm the first to admit my initial reaction was just a nightmare. Let's just say, my tongue was out of control and I needed to lasso it in. Then I got so mad at HIS reaction that I started to think ungodly thoughts about him and really prepared to let him have it. Fortunately, we had to stop at the pharmacy to get Annika's medecine, and that helped us to get away from each other long enough to reflect. Trouble is, I was over it about ten seconds through the pharmacy line. And he's still brooding, six hours later.
Now, the only reason I'm sharing this is because it is, of course, so fitting for the topic at hand yesterday. I mean, at what point do you draw the line and say: hey, husband, get it together, you're being a jerk? And how does that fit in with submission?
In sharing this example with you, I'm hoping to help a lot of the submission "critics" who read my blog gain an understanding of what the appropriate biblical response to your husband acting like a butthat may be. (believe me, ladies, there are days where I'm the one acting totally wrong... I've simply accepted my part of this responsibility and am waiting now for the resulting peace to come back over the home.)
Anyways, one of my favorite authors puts it like this: If your husband was wrong, and sixty percent of that caused the problem, your reaction to that was still forty percent of the whole wrong. Own up to your forty percent. Repent for your part. You can't repent for him and you can't change him, but you CAN choose to honor God by repenting for your part AND obeying His commandment to CHOOSE to love your husband and respect him DESPITE his wrongness.
Determined to live it out, I fully repented of my forty. Lord, forgive me for cursing him, harboring hate and anger in my heart and allowing it to spill out of my tongue. Forgive me for my lack of control and poor example in front of my daughter. For thinking unbiblical thoughts about him and our marriage. Etc. etc. I was at it for a while. :P
Then, having received forgiveness, I prayed for him, from the Word. Lord, let his mouth be a well of life. Let him love knowledge AND correction. Give him agape love for ME in my wrong doings. Etc, etc. And I prayed for me: Help me to love and respect him and be KIND to him despite what I feel like doing. (which was, actually, to shove that box of wasabi peanuts where the sun don't shine, you know?)
Anyways, it really restored PEACE and SANITY to me on my end. I was talking to a friend on the phone a little while later while I made dinner and shared my struggle with her. It's super important, when dealing with the submission issue, to remember that a man needs to be a LEADER, a PROTECTOR, and a PROVIDER. Those are his callings in response to our submission calling. I may be going over board with these all caps, but bear with me, I'm exhausted. :P When your man forgets one of those three things, he aint acting in his capacity as family leader, he's just, quite simply, wrong.
Anyways, so tonight I'm writing this blog to share my reaction, which I hope will help those of you who read this and STRUGGLE With submission to see what type of a reaction we are to have to our husbands. At this point, he still hasn't shown a shred of repentance or even demonstrated that he's interested in communicating about what happened. However, I'm choosing to obey God's commandments to love and respect him by responding with kindness. Just because HE's being wrong, doesn't mean I have to be too, you know? And I want to be clear, I'm not sharing this to uncover my husband but so that it can be a learning experience for other wives who read this blog and wonder just how all this submission stuff works.
And while in my flesh, I'm SO irritated that in the midst of all this labor craziness I have to deal with this and I'm pretty much blaming his attitude, in my Spirit I am renewed with the hope that tomorrow I'll be writing you a blog that describes the FRUIT of submission, which is joy. Because I am so joyful that I was able to catch my "forty percent" right away, instead of after the fact. It sets my relationship with my GOD, which is infinitely more important than my relationship with my husband (although, let me tell you, I can't WAIT to be reconciled!! I miss him and love him and hate fighting!) in a proper place.
Incidentally, if tomorrow he's still being lame, I'm going to use that as an example of how to give a biblical reproof. Basically, because we are both believers we both need to be keeping each other from sin. I help him, he helps me. And when I help him, there's a WAY the Bible says to do it, which I am to follow if I want to maintain my biblical integrity.
Thank the Lord for his strength and His amazing love, and for my husband, without whom I would never be learning all these incredible things. He is so dear to me.
Thursday, November 8, 2007
So, we got up and took Annika to her vax update appt. at the pediatrician. She had SEVEN shots today (and I refused a few to give her later.... seven seemed like enough!!) to get caught up from California. I laughed when I was explaining to the nurse why she hadn't been vaxed since she was six months. The nurse goes:
"Oh, California. It's all those hippies."
IF that wasn't funny enough, when my doctor came in, I explained the situation to him and he said something along the same lines. The entire vax debate has been solved in my own life, from now on I'm vaxing. Period. I remember what happened to me when I joined the military: they assume no one has been vaxed (they don't look at your history) and they spend an entire DAY of reception battalion shooting you over and over and over in this long line. And as it happens, you're not even aware of what they're shooting you with. Turns out I was vaxed for things like live Anthrax, too. Hehe.
ANyways, people faint left and right and the entire next day everyone is sick as a dog and just sniffling away. And then we drive on and get over it. That's pretty much what I'm recommending ever since I had the croup experience with Annika-- which was terrifying and really avoidable had I not listened to all the anti-vax hype. Of course, it's a personal decision, but for me--- no thanks. I'm vaxing.
In other news, I'm desperately trying to finish my nursing shawl before Ishod gets here. It's really boring to knit b/c it's ALL knit stitches and YOs, but it looks so great-- everyone who sees it wants one. :P
I've had a TON of time lately to think about my life.
I realized while Liza was here just how culturally different Californians are from North Carolinians. She is so dear to me, and I cherish our friendship so much, so it was frustrating to me not to be able to take care of her and bless her the way I would have liked to had I not been going through all of this. It was also interesting to see (since it was the first time since I've been married that we spent an extended period of time together) how different our lives have become! I think a big part of that is not just who we married but the turns that our lives have taken.
She and I had a lengthy talk about some things and at one point I realized that the WAY Wayne talks to me sometimes was really freaking her out.
Now, when he and I first got married, it often freaked me out too, but I've since become much stronger and less offendable. A point I have to stress here, is that though Wayne is the first to admit he's hot tempered, 99 percent of the time he is totally joking.
For example, we discuss at length the possibility of his adding concubines to this family not because it's something he really wants but because it's an inside joke to us--- I'm always too tired to meet some of his needs and complainy, so he says "I'll get a concubine" and I say "great... can she dry the dishes when she's done with that?"
Etc,. etc. It's all in good fun. But many of my friends are --- well---- uncomfortable, to say the least, listening to these types of conversations between us. They are used to being wooed by their husbands. I'll be honest--- I don't want that.
When I was in high school, I dated this guy who left me flowers on my front porch every morning. It made me want to puke and I couldn't ditch him fast enough. In college, guys were always falling all over themselves to be "romantic' with me, and I thought of it as boring and a nuissance. I wanted a guy who wouldn't let me walk all over him. And I knew those were hard to find. You remember OFARM (operation Find a Real Man) which we conducted every Fri and Sat night..... it's hard finding real men in a society that's essentially permeated with feminist thought.
Anyways, in a lot of ways, that's what makes my husband perfect for me. I'll never get bored, and he'll never be cheezy. When he's romantic, it comes from HIM, not a hallmark card, and if his way of being romantic is (like today) renting a golf cart and taking me on a rip roaring ride of the hills at King's Grant, then great. I'd rather that than a box of chocolates, you know? (By the way, I'm not saying that guys who ARE sensitive and romantic suck, I'm just saying I'm glad I'm not married to them. :P)
I think, if anything, living in the South has taught me to rethink the topic of sensitivity. For example, Liza was pretty horrified at the idea that Wayne would draw a picture of me as big and round and him next to me as trim and muscular, with the word "mean" written across the top. She brought it up with him.
When he had originally drawn that, I WAS being mean, and grumpy, and he had drawn it and slid it over to me quietly and we had both had a great laugh and avoided a potentially big fight. It was endearing to me, so I put it up on the wall to remind me that I needed to tone my hormones down a bit when I was turning edgy (Which happens frequently when you're going through this kind of stuff!)
But she was like... "Why would you say that to your wife who you love?" For her, that was the opposite of love. But for me, looking up at that picture reminded me of sweetness that I shared with him. :P
I thought that was really interesting. Just the day before she and I had had a deep conversation about where Wayne and I were at and I shared with her some of the struggles that I've shared in here about learning to allow my husband to lead when he had missed the part about "protecting" us, putting us first, etc. All of which are valid concerns, but all of which are normal parts of developing a marriage and becoming more one as he and I learn to be more holy and less "us."
Anyhoo, her visit had me re-think a lot of the things I take for granted. IS it ok for him to not be swoony and "sensitive" when talking to me? I mean, I'm the first person to tell him: "I'll answer you when you address me a different way," if he's really and truly in the wrong, but he definitely doesn't do that much. It's more like, I always feel like things are just fine in our house and in our relationship until people make comments... when my parents stay with us, or his parents, they always make me feel guilty for not expecting him, for example, to help around the house more. I can't tell you how many times people have heard me say " I'll go change the baby," and commented: "no, Wayne, you should change the baby."
It makes me feel stupid, like I'm not standing up for myself enough. I'm sure it makes him feel stupid too.
But after they leave and things are restored to our kind of normal, I remember why we do things the way we do--- they work for us! We are all much happier and calmer when we aren't worried about it. I don't get offended when he tells me "you're round." I AM round. We smooch and I sit my round self on his lap and things are good. When other people are around us, though, it's like I second guess everything about us.... suddenly when he looks at me endearingly and says "You're round," and I see someone else in the room flinch, I'm like... oh my gosh. Is he being mean to me? I'm offended. It's like re-training my brain to go back to normal. I wish it didn't have to happen. I wish that people could just grasp that we're all in different places and that there's no reason why the way MY husband sounds should be exactly the same as the way someone else's husband sounds. (I'm not talking specifically about Liza here, who totally and completely knows that God is all about families and makes us comfy in ours. She knows we are all individuals and she knows we are all sinners..... which makes the difference in the way you recognize how to deal with each other. I'm thinking more about my parents and Parents-In-Law, who haven't quite grasped that yet.)
Anyways, it just seems there is a kind of polarization between Southerners and everyone else. Southerners do it to themselves, for sure. But there's something just a bit "tougher" or less whiny (I can't think of a better way to describe it) about people raised out here.... they just aren't as offendable and they certainly aren't as sensitive, which makes it hard for me to remember to BE more sensitive when I'm in relationships with people who aren't from here. Like me and Liza said the other day: in communication, the burden is on the communicator and not the listener. It's up to the communicator to make himself understood. If he can't make himself understood, he should at least make himself respectable. You know?
Thats why I think Wayne sometimes gets perceived as being so abrasive--- he doesn't waste words, and says things like they are. It's hard for people to get used to that. It took me years to get used to it and on top of that it's still something I think needs to be done with the utmost grace and kindness, which he's the first to tell you he struggles with. But there is something really liberating about it too. I can appreciate that when I go to him, he'll ALWAYS tell me the truth. And he'll always do it in a way that demonstrates he's interested in both learning and helping me grow. He gives his utmost attention to things like that, and really gives it his all. And he's sensitive to God's leading, which I really admire. Like I said, he just needs to get that "protective" thing down.... because you can't have one without the other. In my own life, it was only through rabid conversations and debates in the R&P and real life that i realized I had to figure out a way to get along with people because GOD loved them. And that was really more for them than for me....after all, my personal opinions don't matter to God or His perfect plan. But they sure can get in the way.
Anyways, I'm learning a ton. Please continue to pray that this baby comes soon. I'm kinda delirious at this point and really exhausted.
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
Day six is coming to a close. yay.
I was bugging my doctor today and apparently it's NOT labor, no matter how close the contractions are and no matter how strong, no matter if my cervix is open or not, until they are five minutes apart.
So that's fun. I'll just sit here and contract until I'm actually in labor. Bloody show, cervix opening, and all. weeeeeeee.
I talked to a girl yesterday who did this, every twelve minutes, for 27 straight days. I'm praying that wont be me.
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
She stripped my membranes in hopes of making the process speed up, but it's been 24 hours since and I"'m still not in the hospital. Basically, contractions are still six to twelve mins apart and I'm laboring in my lower back and abdomen. It's been five days.
Liza is here which is a great comfort to me and yesterday Christi came and hooked us up with all the baby gear we needed as well as was an amazing sweetheart and helped us with dishes and house things. I'm just resigned to the fact now, of waiting. Ishod will come when God's timing is perfect, and in the meantime there is great comfort in knowing that God's timing WILL be perfect... because if it were up to me this would have been done and over Friday night. Wayne is getting frustrated with the waiting so I actually sent him to work today so that I could labor quietly with Liza.
They wont admit me until I'm either 5 mins apart for an hour, my water breaks, or I'm four centimeters dilated. So until then, I'm laboring at home.... and it's becoming more and more bearable. I even had a glass of wine yesterday at a friend's suggestion and was able to relax a bit.
That's the news. God is good ALL THE TIME. :)
Sunday, November 4, 2007
since Friday night/Saturday morning.....contractions are between every six and twelve minutes. Strong. Like period cramps. And still going. I'm still not five mins apart and my water hasn't broken, so I'm pretty much just stuck in a holding pattern if this goes on until Monday AM at the docs, when they will decide what to do with me.
Meanwhile, we are eating spicy food by the fistful, walking, having sex, taking bumpy car rides, and everything else we can think of. We went to church this morning and everyone laughed that we were there. But what else would we do? Just walk around waiting. Gah, this is JUST like last time.
Fortunately, I recieved a prophecy last week that though I would FEAR that my labor would be the same, God was actively working in it to bring me peace throughout it and that no matter how similar they would be, this time I was equipped with everything I needed to handle this baby. Comfort, really, for me, because I definitely feel more prepared than I thought I would..... I'm like, very in tune with my body and what's happening. with Ishod even. It's wierd.
ok, that's all for now. :)
Hopefully I'll be in the hospital by tomorrow morning at the LATEST, LATEST.
Pray! These hurt.
Saturday, November 3, 2007
Woohoo, I'm in labor. Been in latent phase since last night.... contractions are between six and eleven minutes and getting stronger consistently. Guess I didn't get away from Wayne fast enough... hehe.
I managed to sleep through most of it last night but today they were really intense. It's 7:30 pm now and we're trying to take it easy so that baby comes tomorrow and not tonight. It's been rough-- annika is teething and I guess I'm one of the lucky ones who experience contractions like really bad period cramps... woohoo.
I'm tempted to stay up all night in the R&P having this baby too, but then again I really could use the sleep-- it's only been six weeks-- haha.
Liza gets here tomorrow-- so stoked.
Anyways, pray if you think of it. Next time I blog little Ishod will most likely be here :)
Yay for the worst pain in the world followed by the biggest joy in the world.
Friday, November 2, 2007
I went to my knitting guild meeting last night for the first time. It seems like every meeting something has come up and I haven't been able to make it. It was almost the case last night--- Annika went from playing and having a blast all day to a sudden bad mood and then skyrocketed to a 103 degree fever in like.... ten minutes. It was super wierd. It went down with tylenol and some light sponging, and then she slept all night until two, when she woke up with a 104~~woah! She was totally sleepy and quiet so I just gave her more tylenol and put her back to sleep... and she didn't wake up until 8 am, when she had no fever. She kept it away all morning and then at 11, bam. 103 again. Super wierd. I just put her down for a nap with no tylenol, and she fell asleep in an instant. Very strange. She doesn't have any other symptoms, either, except she just now had a slightly runny nose, so I'm going to chalk it up to teething, but who knows? We'll just have to see. I really can't believe that she has been sick/ not well for more than six weeks now. This is just so ironic, because I was thinking this was going to be my pre-baby hibernation time. AH haha.
Oh well. As my brother says, you'll sleep when you're dead. :P
Anyways, back to the guild meeting. So it was at a bookstore, which was fun because it's like combining my two passions-- knitting and reading. W00t! There were about 35 (!) women there, and the cool part was that there were people of ALL ages... from the oldest of grandmas to the youngest of beans. And all were just passionate knitters ready to encourage each other in their projects. Lots of the older ladies were making "Warm up america" afghan squares, and the younger ladies were doing the latest foliage hats and crazy cabled sweaters from IK. Everyone ooed and ahhhed over my yarn for the nursing blanket and I LOVED talking knit with these ladies.
What was hilarious was that as I was leaving and Wayne and Annika were seeing me off, Wayne was poking fun at me for wearing one of the shawls I'm particularly proud of. He thinks me being in a knitting guild is heeeeelarious, and the fact that I had a bag of yarn goodies and things to show made him laugh all the more. In fact, he called me a wizard as he arranged it around my shoulders and all we could think about was the fact that my hobbit name is Clynoic Bolo of Bywater and how I should introduce myself that way to my guild. :) We're nerds.
Gotta run. He keeps trying to chase me down to have sex with me and "make the baby come." Yikes.
Thursday, November 1, 2007
Last night we only had like, five trick or treaters, but we passed out candy and bags from our church that said : "no tricks, just a treat," with a copy of our pastor's new book, some tracts, and a whole lot of love and prayer. Good stuff.
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Annika really didn't know much was going on. She was excited and yelling "bye!" whenever the kids would show up because she was eating dinner and focusing on it pretty hard.
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A friend shared with me today that food and peepee are pretty much the only things that kids get control over, so I shouldn't spaz about her not eating, or choosing to lick each individual item on her plate and then put it back, unchewed.
I was grateful for that little piece of wisdom-- for sure.
WOW. I actually had sat down to write this blog to give some praise. you see, since writing my last blog I've had so many answers to prayer I'm almost ashamed to have written my last one in the first place.
To start off, the gas company agreed to drop our deposit amount from $300 to $150. Our father in law then called us and told us he was going to pay it. Praise God! He did, and we are now awaiting Friday when our heat will be on and all will be warm in our little home.
Then, he sent some friends who have the things we need--- car seats, bouncer seats, toys, and clothes! Amazingly, not one need went unmet. Today another friend dropped off a huge box of blessings for the little one. Just as she was leaving, my Father in Law pulled up and dropped off a bag of stuff-- he had gone to Walmart and bought us every little thing on my shopping list without having seen it! (dial soap, kitchen soap, laundry soap, toilet paper, paper towels, and even special detergent for annika's cloth diapers!)
I mean, the little things seemed to be settling right into place, and while I was thanking God for that just now I felt like I should write it into this blog.
As I was typing the last paragraph, my mailman came up to the door. I went to say hi and grabbed the mail, which was nothing except a card from a girl I've just met who I'm so bummed to say is leaving soon--- she and I really hit it off. I was wondering what the card said and impatiently opened it... and I just dropped to my knees. In it, she explained that she felt impressed to give to us financially AND to offer to help with Annika while I'm in the hospital if Wayne has to take a client...... and guess what?
It was EXACTLY the amount Wayne and I have been praying for and could not have come at a better time-- we turned in our rent today and were left with only a few dollars. God is amazing. I cannot describe to you how grateful Wayne and I were as we prayed and offered up thanks together over the phone a minute ago. I'm just floored, every time, at how He comes through.... and it could not have been more appropriate than right now as I'm sitting down to write a blog in which I praise Him for His faithfulness.
This makes me think, too... how incredible it is that God uses each of us and how much good He can do in people's lives if we are all willing vessels. It's like pay it forward-- it makes me want to shout "Use US, Lord, to bless back a hundred fold what this woman has blessed us with!"
Man, God is so good. That's all I can say.
Last night Wayne's mom's husband went into the hospital for a heart attack. It was scary, but again-- I was shocked at the amount of faith we had for him. needless to say, we still didn't get much sleep, but I'm happy to announce that this morning he was stable. It seems that even in the midst of the storm, all we have to do is come to the cross and take the hand of our Savior.... whose peace really does surpass all understanding.
I wanted to comment on something I thought was interesting too. Wayne's dad brought over a couple movies from the video store the other day. We hadn't watched a new movie in a long time, so we were excited to see this one called Babel, which I had picked out because it looked right up my alley from the previews--- you know, trouble in the Middle East, I'm all over that. :P
Anyways, put it in and sat down to watch and I almost jumped out of my skin when I saw the two previews before the feature. I mean, woah. They were for movies that seemed like the plots were interesting enough, but they were LOADED With sexual imagery that was just incredibly hardcore.... one was for a movie called "Moan" or something with Christina Ricci, and the other one was for a movie called "perfume."
Both were appallingly sexual in connotations, graphic imagery, and the rest, and our first reaction was to jump up and look away. I mean, it made us look at each other and wonder how much things are changing. I'm sure hundreds of you who will read this saw the same previews and never thought twice about them... but they shocked us because it's been so long since we've seen anything remotely like that. It made us really uncomfortable, and made us wonder how far removed we are getting from the world that we are able to react so strongly to something as simple as a preview. It's wierd. Makes me wonder if not having TV is good or if it's putting us in a bubble... I mean, I don't want to be THAT girl who blushes when something slightly kinky is happening on the screen, but still! I distinctly remember feeling that way when we turned on the TV in our hotel room in VA for the first time and we were like... woah. Commercials are really naughty these days! And again, when we went to the movies to see "The Hills have eyes" and were shocked at some of the sexual stuff in there too. Wayne had heard that this moan movie was supposedly really good from all his co-workers at the hotel. It's really interesting to me that we can react so strongly to a preview. What would the rest of the movie leave us feeling?
Anyways, just blabbing away now. Off to clean house. I hope. God is amazing and so good.